Friday, February 25, 2011

orchard wood road

photo by tartelette

this reminds me of our orchard wood road house
and our garden

and picking and eating peas with my dad

which makes me homesick

whenever I get homesick I think of these lines from the movie gardenstate

Andrew: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put all your stuff, that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew: You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place. 

There is definite truth to what Andrew is saying. I know I definitely felt this way when I moved out and felt I was hanging in a limbo between my parents home and making my own home. But I think the real gem is deep down in his comment, that we all do miss another place that was once our home.
our heavenly home.
and maybe in this life we all sometimes feel like we are stuck in limbo
no matter what point we are at at in our lives
we can feel stuck between who we are and who we could be.
an maybe we are meant to feel that.
so we keep pushing, keep moving forward.
right now... today... I feel a little stuck. stuck in my messing house that I let get totally messy this week. stuck in this winter white body. stuck in this cold cold February. but I know I'm not going to stay stuck. I am going to keep pushing toward all those goals and the woman I want to be.

I had a friend in college who would always say "I'll finally be happy when..." There was always something holding her back. I feel like I just need to put it out there into the universe (because somehow that makes it more real) that I'm not going to be that girl.
tomorrow is a new day and Im going to keep pushing.
...

and all this thinking for a picture of peas and missing my dad :)

4 comments:

ben and melody said...

Kaitlyn... I seriously loved this post. It really made me think.. Iv been feeling VERY stuck lately and i just need to do what you said, keep pushing forward. thanks for writing this!

Jacob and Pierina said...

kaitlynnnn! jacob and i were totally talking about this last night and we were having one of those moments where we just have to cheer each other up and keep pushing. thanks for writing this...i'm going to show him when he get home from school.
i miss having you around and talking with you. you always had something uplifting to say and that's what i miss the most about you.
hope things are going well for you!

Jacob and Pierina said...

kaitlynnnn! jacob and i were totally talking about this last night and we were having one of those moments where we just have to cheer each other up and keep pushing. thanks for writing this...i'm going to show him when he get home from school.
i miss having you around and talking with you. you always had something uplifting to say and that's what i miss the most about you.
hope things are going well for you!

France is said...

thank you.