this reminds me of our orchard wood road house
and our garden
and picking and eating peas with my dad
which makes me homesick
whenever I get homesick I think of these lines from the movie gardenstate
Andrew: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put all your stuff, that idea of home is gone. Sam: I still feel at home in my house. Andrew: You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place.
There is definite truth to what Andrew is saying. I know I definitely felt this way when I moved out and felt I was hanging in a limbo between my parents home and making my own home. But I think the real gem is deep down in his comment, that we all do miss another place that was once our home.
our heavenly home.
and maybe in this life we all sometimes feel like we are stuck in limbo
no matter what point we are at at in our lives
we can feel stuck between who we are and who we could be.
an maybe we are meant to feel that.
so we keep pushing, keep moving forward.
right now... today... I feel a little stuck. stuck in my messing house that I let get totally messy this week. stuck in this winter white body. stuck in this cold cold February. but I know I'm not going to stay stuck. I am going to keep pushing toward all those goals and the woman I want to be.
I had a friend in college who would always say "I'll finally be happy when..." There was always something holding her back. I feel like I just need to put it out there into the universe (because somehow that makes it more real) that I'm not going to be that girl. tomorrow is a new day and Im going to keep pushing.
and all this thinking for a picture of peas and missing my dad :)
on a totally separate note, if you haven't seen tangled go see it.
then lets all do this together.
If you've seen the movie you will know what I'm talking about. If you were like me you were watching that movie thinking "oh my that would be incredible in real life... too bad its a ginormous fire hazard." Then the other day I was clicking through stumble upon and this came up... holy, yes! Someday I will be apart of this.
The Trip To The Grocery Store That Changed My Life
Thirteen years ago on a cold January afternoon, a trip to the grocery store changed my life.
pressure of juggling the schedules of four teenagers was pressing in on
my last nerve. Truth be told, something was always pressing on my last
nerve. That day I still needed to grocery shop and do a mountain of
I left the kids at home and headed to the grocery store.
Inside the store, I pushed the cart up and down the isles trying not to mow down the huge display of spam. Who eats spam any more? How old is that stuff anyway? My mind was racing with nonsense when my buggy nearly hit the back of his heel.
I gasped and the gray haired man turned around.
“Hello, neighbor” he grinned.
Standing there, in a dark blue suit, crisp white shirt and a shinny red tie my neighbor Robert, looked completely put together.
“And how are you this fine day Robin?” He sounded surprisingly chipper for a man who’d just six months before lost his wife of thirty years.
“I’m okay Robert, how are you doing?” My voice dripped with pity. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
you” he said looking down and stuffing his hands in his pants pockets. “
It was hard at the end. She put up a fight though.”
Suddenly, he looked right into my eyes. “It’ll probably sound terrible to you, but I’m kind of excited about starting over.”
Pregnant pause. What the heck do I say to that?
“Well, that’s good.” I stumbled. “So is there anyone in particular?”
no, no. Not at all. I just know what I’m looking for this time. Please
don’t take this the wrong way, but it would be someone exactly opposite
Dear Father in heaven, could this GET any more awkward?
mean, I loved her” he added quickly, “but she and I had a rocky thirty
years. She was, I guess you’d say, a little difficult.”
He forced a laugh. “She’d say the same about me. Anyway, next time, I want less drama. More peace. And more laughing.”
Time stopped. My chest felt heavy. I couldn’t breathe. This was a God Thing…
We said our good byes. I felt so sad. For Sheila and Robert.
But I also felt sad for my husband, Mike and for me.
The lights in the store were too bright. I looked at my feet. The floor was too shiny.
That’s how Mike would feel if I died tomorrow…
It was true and I knew it.
Uptight. That was me. Life as a rule overwhelmed me. Some days I went from drama to drama.
getting to my car, shivering, I put my head in my hands and wept.
Slowly the heater started to warm the cold air around me as I heard a
clear message from God’s heart to mine.
I die before Mike, I don’t want him to look for someone opposite of me.
Like Sheila, I needed, less drama. More laughter. More peace.
That very day I came home and wrote down what I wanted Mike to say about me when I was gone…this is it…
*She loved God
*She loved me and the kids
*We always knew she was praying for us
*She made our house a home. Peaceful and safe.
*She supported me and encouraged me constantly.
*She was my best friend.
have come to believe that each one of us, whether we acknowledge it or
not, are living every day, the legacy we will one day leave. That list, I
made so long ago, has become my standard for living that legacy.
How do you want people to remember you?
Love to you Friends as we live our legacy~one day at a time. -all things heart and home
I wrote about this once before, but I read it again today and just had to share it again.
Every time I read this post by all things heart and home I am humbled. Because what she says is so true. Each day adds up to the legacy we leave behind and I know I have to ask myself constantly...
"hey self, are you living each day so you can be proud of your legacy."
it's scary to me sometimes how much all the little things count
//those tiny daily acts that become who you are//
if I'm not careful I overwhelm myself with the pressure trying to do each and every little thing perfect, but I realized its not about perfection... its about direction. so yeah its a little scary, but it's manageable.
a little progress at a time.
I had a dear friend growing up that would always use the word "peacemaker" sometimes it was just when her little sister would try and invade our game of house and cause some contention and she would say
"now look... be a peacemaker"
trying to coax her into to doing it our way, but its not a bad principal that whole being a peacemaker thing.
yeah its all courageous and noble to speak your mind and wear your emotions on your sleeve and don't get me wrong I'm a believer in that, but what about the courage it takes to not say something. to put keeping/making peace before your own selfish wants.
that takes courage too.
//courage and grace//
whenever I find something that I love I immediately panic about losing it, running out, or not being able to get more.
for example I bought one of theseand now I own 5 in various colors.
//is this just me//
so anyways this issue of "anticipation" spreads to other aspects of my life besides shopping. when I go on vacation I panic about how fast it will go by before I have even left. sometimes I can't even fully enjoy the last few days because all I can think about is the saying goodbye and going home part.
//this drive jordan NUTS//
when I was reading jackie's latest post and I was convincing myself I needed a kindle and asap. I told myself it would actually be a good investment since I spend so much $$$ on books and I read so much. Im always carrying around heavy books. however it's a bad idea for two reasons:
a. I have about 10 brand new books in my night stand... that I just couldnt resist buying. so I should probably read those before I spend anymore on reading materials
b. Im counting down the days until the 2nd generation ipad comes out, which would make a kindle seem a little redundant.
so here's to me trying not to buy things I don't need... yet
on a happier side note I've been pouring over etsymaking a list of great art finds. a few people have told me I should sell some of my prints there, but after looking through all the awesomeness I am intimidated.
Im going to try anyway. :)
//stay tuned for the grand opening of a kray etsy shop//
“Even though we've changed and
we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the
tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each
other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will
ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”
of course there are a few missing from this picture... but I have a sneaky feeling you know who you are and that I love you!
I think some people in life will be like seasons, they will come and go,but some will be ever present, a voice inside your head when something funny happens, you can't decide which pair of shoes to buy, or you're blasting girlie music. You may not talk everyday or even seem them very often, but when you do it is like no time has passed at all.
I feel blessed for the wonderful friends who have touched my life. the ones that have passed like seasons and the ones that are always there.
"I believe in pink.
I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner.
I believe in kissing, kissing a lot.
I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.
I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.
I believe that tomorrow is another day
and I believe in miracles."
— Audrey Hepburn